Into the abyss.

I apologize for not updating yesterday, all five of my potential readers I'm sure are terribly disappointed.  I humbly beg for forgiveness for taking advantage of their baited breath waiting.

                So yesterday I awoke and realized right away that I forgot to close my browser on my computer so when I awoke, there before me stood my arch nemesis; pointless information.  I actually held my hand in front of my face like one would if they had been ambushed by someone with a flashlight in a dark room as I reached out and closed the browser.  "Well, why the hell do you still have  a network connection you goon?",  you might ask.  Quite simple.  I lost my thumb drive.  Instead of loading the word documents onto a thumb drive and sticking them in my roommates slot...

                Wow, double entendre.  I should pencil in emotional maturity as one of the many projects for this month....

                Back to the story...I am going to simply share my updates over the home network.  That way she can just upload them from there. 

                I managed to get dressed and ready for work that morning without having to stop to make sure someone had responded to anything that I had intelligently quipped.  As most people compliment their own intelligence and wit, I refuse to let that rest on any laurels but my own.  Since I had more free time in the morning I was not rushed and the dogs got to spend an adequate amount of time sniffing the same bush that has been outside the door for the past six months

                Of course when I arrived at work I faced the same issue of looming web browsers.  This one, instead of being the dating site www.okcupid.com,which was the morning ambush at home,  was a lovely news article that was half read before I darted out the door of work.  I sighed and closed that tab feeling like I had suffered media coitus interruptus.

                Most of the morning was filled with actual work of resetting Outlook, unlocking accounts, and explaining in polite ways that forgetting your password for the fourth time this week is by no means an indicator that you are senile, mentally deficient, or a government employee.  We have a lot of free time at work that is usually filled with chit chat between workers, working on side projects, reading news articles or Lolcats, and mine was spent trying to figure out why my antiquated external hard drive was not working.  When I say antiquated, I mean that as generously as saying rotary phones still serve some sort of purpose still.  I am sure of that fact as I still hear automated systems kindly taking the concerns of ninety year old former Central Bell employees with the same phone they bought in 1962 into consideration.

                To return to the central point of this, I in a classic facepalm incident, had realized the plug for the drive was plugged into a dead outlet only when I had returned home for lunch.

                After lunch I kept myself busy with going through files on the drive deleting unnecessary files.  Long dead backups of old computer profiles from 2003, links to websites lost to the posterity of time, (excuse me while I file dump one for my dead homiepages, respect brothers), a few music doubles, and the failed ebook format of .pdf's.

                  I had once downloaded every Shadowrun book in the off chance I might ever play that game.  Unfortunately that would have required me to find someone who was willing to run a game that required a archivists skill in record keeping and a corporate middle managers love of micromanagement.  I still enjoy reading the rather detailed world the writers had created for this cyberpunk dystopia pen and paper role playing game, and wish that video game makers would spend even half the amount of time creating such a detailed universe.  One has to appreciate labors of love that go to explain such useless details as why fashion, food, entertainment, money, and politics in the year 2070 are the way they are.  It requires a true love of the worlds one creates in their mind, a passion for writing, and enjoyment of one's work.  Unfortunately, I care nothing of running a character sheet that is more than six pages long.  How can you expect me to keep track of that much detail when I forget regularly which pocket my lighter is in?

                So Shadowrun, as much as I love your universe and creativity, you must be consigned to the rubbish heap of the Recycle Bin.

                After stopping by the drugstore on the way home to flirt with the clerk and get me a bag of M&M's, I came home to frustrated confusion.  Normally I sit down almost right away and read all the Not Safe For Work links I couldn't at work, the Youtube videos I couldn't watch, and check my dating websites.  Trust me, I'll return to that.  I actually can't remember what I did right away when I got home, which bothers me.  I think I finally shorted out at that point.  My life has become so reliant on Internet habits for me to diverge from it actually causes my brain to shut down to defend myself.  I know I didn't get on the Internet as I'm almost sure I immediately took the dogs out and smoked a cigarette with my roommate who was home.

                  Later I watched some Star Trek: Enterprise with my room mates and returned to Grand Theft Auto IV and played on that till about 2 AM. 

                For a first day I did ok, but I think I haven't seen the beginnings of boredom or withdrawal.

                This is going to be interesting.

Zero Up Zero Down FAQ's

So here is the FAQ on how this is all going to work.

1.)  Starting at 12:00 A.M. Friday morning all communications to anything that has an ip address.  This includes anything on the internet via computer or my android phone as well as XBox Live.

2.)  I cannot access the internet for anything that is not an "emergency".  An emergency would include; booking a flight to another state for a funeral, finding the nearest zombie shelter, or finding a good attorney on those inevitable misdemeanor charges for assault as I do not trust day time television.  An emergency does NOT include; finding numbers to alternate pizza places than my usual, signing up for that groupon that I really want, paying bills, shopping of any kind, no torrents for that album I just have to have.  None of that.

C.)  I will use this opportunity to help my organization skills.

4.)  This blog will continue to be updated hopefully more than once a day.  I will write all of my posts in word and then give them to my roommate who will post them to this blog.  I will not be updating this blog personally.

5.)   ??

6.)  Profit?

Upboating.

So, Im posting an AMA about this on Reddit.  Why would I do that?  Mostly to help myself with accountability.  John Donne is right, no man is an island, at best an archipelago if anything.  I think that by putting this out there I will be responsible to other people, which is odd because part of the reason I am doing this whole this is to maybe reach back out to people in real life.  Weeee, contradictions are awesome.

Would you like to know more?

Probably the hardest parts of this project in self discovery, or self immolation, depending on how one looks at it, is trying to determine the appropriate time and day to start, what the hell to do with myself when I do, and what sort of restrictions do I have?

I originally wanted to start this on the first of this month, but I wanted to have some depth in the posting roster before I took to the mound, however as you can plainly see, that panned out marvelously. Its all part of a larger idea of procrastination I think.  Sitting down in front of a computer is procrastination away from doing all the things I should be doing; exercising, drinking, socializing, reading, drawing, writing, drinking, learning how to code, learning how to dance, drinking, learning a new hobby, um...drinking. 

Wait, why the hell am I talking so much about drinking?  I haven't touched alcohol since New Years and that was a glass of wine.  What the hell, man?  I'm trying to be edgy and stuff.  If I do that again, please slap me.  Hard.

Anyway.

So, I keep putting this thing off, with new and more inventive excuses.  I guess I need to set up a definite date for when I am going to start doing this.  Maybe I should start this on the 1st of April?  It will give me plenty of time to get things in place to do when I unplug that internet.  It is also nicely symbolic of the foolishness of this endeavor.  You know the longest I have gone without internet since about 1997?  Six months.  That's right, six months.  That was how long I was in Iraq, yep.  It took a war to cut off my internet access.  Alas, I digress.  April is a 30 day month, it ends on a Saturday and starts on a Friday.  So I will have a nice weekend to get over the twitchiness, and weekend at the end to gorge.  So lets set it here and now, I'll start on April Fools Day at exactly midnight.  Huzzah and all that. 

Well, now that that's settled.  Tomorrow we will talk about what kind of activities I have planned for that month, and then we can talk about what the rules are and such.

Mark Twain was not a Blogger.

If I'm supposed to be keeping a blog about me quitting the internet for a month for the sake of posterity, I should really try to keep up with it.  I think Mark Twain predicted blogging 150 years ago with this quote,

If you wish to inflict a heartless and malignant punishment upon a young person, pledge him to keep a journal a year.

 Yep, sounds about right.   Then again, Mark Twain was a cantankerous fart.

Whats interesting is, is Twain wrote that in 1869, an era noted for its general lack of idleness.  I mean they didn't exactly have indoor plumbing and auto service centers.  You had to use hand pumps, straight razors, feed and shovel out your pimpin ride, and undo corsetry for the sake of bumping the unbathed uglies.  Mind you corsets require amazing patience and strength to endure, and only the members of the warrior classes can properly use them as a sexual tool.  If such a hardy folk as those who were building railroads over the Rocky Mountains, rebuilding their sacred racist institutions to endure for 100 years more, and beating the bejeezus out of each other in 90 round bare knuckle boxing matches could not maintain a simple diary, what hope does my technology induced ADD self have?

The Post with No Name.

Told you I have an addiction. I haven't revisited this blog in a week because I became distracted. I found out all of season 5 of Futurama was now on Netflix streaming, I watched all the episodes in two sittings over two nights. Yes, about 7 hours in two sittings in the evening over two days. What else did I do with my evening? I can't really remember. I think that there was some cooking at some point but I'm not sure. I know I got up to go smoke, that's clearly apparent as I have had to buy more cigarettes. Yep, another addiction.

I spent the rest of the week playing my MMO, for something on the order of about 14 hours this weekend. Monday I spent an inappropriate amount of money on a new Android phone, so as to have access to things I couldn't at work...meaning YouTube videos. This of course means that I will probably be borrowing money again at the end of the month from my friends just to eat and put gas in my car. I got into more debates on Reddit, that's no surprise.

Let me explain to you why I debate on the internet now so we don't have to revisit it later on, though I'm sure we will.

I spent most of my youth (yes, I'm 33 and call it my youth) studying politics, warfare, military history, history in general, archaeology, anthropology, nuclear warfare (I consider this seperate from military stuff as it's practically is a study in national insanity), and other topics that aren't really great cocktail conversations on the patio. I would go so far as to call my prefered subjects of studies, "downers." Yet, I love them. Nothing will get a rise out of me like a heated debate about the Constitution, the history of the Revolution and the nations foundations, military policy, global politics, or anything of it's kind. When someone asks me about it, I perk up and I jabber on and on, incessantly until someone has to force the conversation away. You know how some people talk to themselves in the mirror? I do that, but I'm actually giving lengthy lectures about the recent recession, or the current wars, and on and on.

The problem here is though, no one really brings that up around me. I'm sure if I worked for a think tank, or was still in the army, or was a college student or professor, I would be talking about this with many peers and colleagues, but there is no one. So I go to the internet. On the internet, I can have my opinions validated, debated, I can share what I know, "school" someone in a subject I know better than them, and so on. I love to share the conversation with my friends who tease me about it, but I persist. Why? It's the only place I can feel like I have something to say and people will listen.

I think that's important to a lot of people. They want to be heard. Not listened to, but heard. They want someone to validate their existence, feelings, and thoughts. However in this world that we have created, if you can't say it in two sentences that are controversial, or packaged right, no one will hear you. Those precious few people who listen to you are like treasures to be hoarded like a leprechauns treasure. They are just so hard to find though. We are to busy with the next RSS feed, the next sound clip, the new top 40, the new blog post, the new tweet with nothing relevant said, to actually stop to listen. Every one of us knows someone who constantly has their Borg implants in, those blue tooth headsets crammed in their ear to catch that next great call or perhaps those white sensory deprivation buds we cram in our ears, those artificial barriers that even 30 years ago were rare enough to force conversation, "Say man, what is that thing?!" Now we ignore it. We can even be sitting down with friends or loved ones to eat at a restaurant and while you are sharing details of a great real world experience, they are checking into foursquare and giving that answer we perfected speaking to our parents in our teens, "Uh huh."

I complain so vociferously about this because, well, that's me. Not in the sense of the friend at dinner buried in their cell phone, but in the larger sense of that is how I live my life. I go to my computer and, "Uh huh," life. I think that is how a lot of addictions work. It's a way of avoiding paying attention to life. You bury yourself in distractions so that you don't have to face the harder challenges of having to be hurt by other people, have to feel a connection to other people, to feel validated, to feel good, to seek refuge.

Mine is here on the internet, attempting to connect to people through something you really can't connect with people through.

I Had an Idea.

I had a weird idea about two weeks ago to take a break from the internet.

A lot of people take time off from browsing the internet; they go read a book, work on a hobby, clean the house, go on a vacation, join a cult, get sent to prison, you know...stuff like that. They don't think a lot of it because they actually have active social lives, friends to spend time with, kids, jobs that keep them busy, and things they are actually accomplishing, so to them the internet is just another thing in their lives. It has become a tool they use to get news, read product reviews, shop for those products, order pizza, look at Lolcats, send emails home to their parents, check movie times, a million and one things that enhance their lives that they spend away from the internet. To them, the web has become a part of their lives that enhances it and makes it better, a way to lead a fuller life.

I'm not that type of person. The internet is my life.

I guess I should describe what my day is like so you can understand how it is my life. I usually wake up later than I intend to every morning because I spent way to late on the internet or computer; those are separate things that I'll explain later. I rush to shower, put on make up, and get dressed. The most unnecessarily long part of getting ready is putting on my socks and shoes. I start to put on my socks and glance up to check on whats on the front page of my favorite website Reddit. I usually end up clicking a few links and read some of the comments there, responding to replies to some of my comments (in fact, as I type this blog post, it dawned on me to check to see if this guy responded to one of my comments and I went off to check...he hadn't). It honestly takes me about five minutes to put on my socks and shoes. By this point, I'm already running late for work so I barely have time to take the dogs out so I hustle them outside to smoke a morning cigarette quickly before I run them back inside, grab my stuff and head out the door. Depending on how interesting the last post I read was is how much time I have to rush by and grab something to eat on the way. I get to work with a few minutes to spare and immediately log into my computer and immediately get to work. While I'm trying to eat my breakfast I work my little job unlocking people's passwords and checking websites out between actually having to do my job.
We have a lot of down time at work so I get ample time to browse the web. I read the latest crap on the Huffington Post and yes, the HuffPo is crap. No seriously, it's a liberal Drudge report with better graphics with a dash of Perez Hilton celebrity/Apple obsession. I read it mostly as a form of masochism. I read my web comics, maybe some NPR, browse for job listings, shop for things I can't afford, and then head back to Reddit. I do this the whole day when I'm not working. It's almost compulsive. I can't not do it. I click on the same posts over and over, scan comments for things I want to reply to, check to see if anyone has responded to me, over and over and over. During breaks I think about things I just read, things I want to say to someone in reply, or day dream about things I just read and return to my desk to do it again.
I get off work then go home and watch all the YouTube videos I couldn't at work and the NSFW stuff. I usually spend an hour doing this. At that point my two roomies have come home and I take the dogs out and go smoke with them. I try to cook a dinner that I can throw in the oven and walk away from to go read more posts, more news, more videos, browse for things, over and over. I usually burn stuff because I forget it or get busy and don't want to interrupt my train of thought. Back at my desk while I drop crumbs onto my keyboard I keep browsing, or maybe by this point I have started playing a game on the computer. I play an MMO called Lord of the Rings Online, and offline games as well. This usually happens until almost midnight every night with breaks for more soda and to use the bathroom. This is my workday life, take work out and replace it with more time on the internet and you get the idea of what a weekend is like.

I have been like this for years.

I hate it.

I'm 33, I've been single for five years, I'm underemployed, undereducated, out of shape, broke, haven't gone anywhere other than the gas station or grocery store in about 3 months, and generally not happy with my life. What the hell happened to me? What have I missed out on? Why do I know I am all these things but have done so little to do anything to change it? Because reading the internet is easier than doing anything about it.

That's where this idea came from. What the hell could I be doing instead of sitting in front of a glowing rectangle?

Well, I'm going to find out.

And maybe fix my life a little.